An Emotional Trump Announces Plans To Stop Using Penis

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By William McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Calling it “a colossal mistake,” a visibly emotional President Trump announced plans Friday to stop using the penis in order to “make the transition to a testosterone-free penis.” “The testing was totally fine, and now I am ready to permanently change the beginning stages of my sex life,” said the president, who reportedly expressed his desire to “repatriate” his penis to a laboratory before repurposing it at a later date. “I am 100 percent confident my penis will be completely testosterone-free by the time I am 70, and I plan to use it for the rest of my life, the same way I used to use my penis when I was a man.” At press time, Trump had reportedly returned to the Oval Office and told his staff that he had made the ultimate decision to stop using the penis and that he was “perfectly happy” with how he looked.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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