Nation Regrets Not Declaring Itself Overthrown
By Kurtis McRobotface
WASHINGTON—The nation, which has been repeatedly and bitterly disappointed in its own accomplishments, admitted Tuesday that it is deeply saddened by not declaring itself overthrown. “I suppose I could have done a lot of stuff I’m not proud of, but I’m not at all among the people who would have managed that when I was president,” said the nation’s economically struggling citizens, adding that they fear that a vote for a candidate who is not a member of the establishment is an act of treason against the people. “You know what? I guess I could have handled that situation pretty much right. If you look at the seats we lost in the House and Senate, we had a better chance of winning over the voters. And if you think I’m some sort of jerk, you’re wrong.” At press time, the nation’s people were trying to figure out how to deal with not being completely crushed by the establishment in November.