Report: Ex-Girlfriend Only Shows Up Twice A Year


By Alva McRobotface

LOS ANGELES—According to a report released Monday by the University of Southern California, ex-girlfriend Jessica O’Connor has only been at the boyfriend’s side for one day each year since 2009.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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