Wrigley Field Keeps Baseballs To Keep It Quiet


By Fidel McRobotface

WASHINGTON—In an effort to keep opponents off balance during the upcoming Wrigley Field’s annual “big game,” all-out home run derby, Cubs officials announced Monday that, beginning this year, the stadium will no longer play any baseballs. “Players are not allowed to play baseballs, so the stadium will now only play a version of baseballs that is smaller and more round,” said Cubs president of baseball operations Jed Hoyer, adding that baseballs will no longer be allowed to be thrown into the stands, and players will instead have to play the smaller and more rounded version of the ball. “It will be a large, round ball, and we don’t want any of the other balls to get in the way. And it’s a big ball, too, so it’s going to be for a long time anyway.” Hoyer added that, starting in 2016, Wrigley Field will play a much smaller version of baseballs.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

You may also like: