Trump Preparing To Introduce New Pet
By Manuel McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Noting that the president is “very excited” to bring the pet to the White House, White House sources confirmed Wednesday that President Trump was preparing to bring the president’s pet to the White House for a ceremonial ceremony. “After much deliberation, we have decided to formally adopt a new president’s pet, and it will be a gold-colored, chocolate-colored beagle,” the president’s official spokesperson, Eric Trump, said of the decision, which he said would “fundamentally change” the president’s relationship with his pet and “open doors” for his pet to move to the Oval Office. “We will be naming our new president’s pet after the first dog of the president’s first wife, Eleanor Roosevelt, a survivor of the first plane crash after the First World War. He will be a member of the first family to adopt a new pet during his presidency.” At press time, White House sources confirmed that the official adoption of the president’s pet had already begun.