Report: ¯\_(ツ)%$% In Love With Cheesecake Factory’s New Fruit Punch

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By Shaun McRobotface

SANTA MONICA, CA—According to a report released Tuesday by the University of California, the percentages of people who approve of the new cheesecake factory’s fruit punch line have surged to an unprecedented 60 percent. “The numbers are pretty staggering,” said professor of statistics Katherine Reynolds, adding that the upward trend has been particularly pronounced among the 18-to-35-year-old demographic. “The number of people who approve of the fruit punch line has been steadily climbing over the past year, and this is the highest it’s been since the start of the recession.” Reynolds went on to say that this record-high approval rating also extends to the company’s new line of American cheese.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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