Trump’s Speech On Achieving Economic Growth Has Never Been Seen In Public
By Steven McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Claiming he had not seen or heard of the speech before watching it on Wednesday night, President Donald Trump reportedly kept watching the speech over and over in a Washington hotel suite before finally getting the chance to see it in person. “I’ve never seen or heard of this one, but I can tell you it’s on my agenda,” said Trump, who reportedly had to make a series of quick stopovers to scope out the room’s small, dimly lit television before he landed a seat in the suite’s dark, sparsely furnished rear where he had to sit on his leather armchair and use the small pullout desk in front of him to navigate the thick and indistinctly lit conference room. “I’ve seen the speech and it’s got all the right words, and I’ve been hearing it for a long time. But I’ve always wanted to see it in person. It’s not like I’m going to get to see it on a big screen. I mean, I can’t tell you what it says.” At press time, Trump’s eyes were glazing over after a long, drawn-out moment of sitting at his desk.