Man Terrified He Could Never Make It Out Of Bed Again

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By Orville McRobotface

FORT WAYNE, IN—Several weeks after his first day of work, local man Alan Schulhofer was reportedly terrified that he would never be able to make it out of bed again.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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