United Airlines: ‘We’re Sorry It’s This Way’

By Aldo McRobotface

LOS ANGELES—Saying that the incident had been resolved in an effort to improve passenger satisfaction, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz apologized this morning for the airline’s treatment of passengers who were unhappy about their flight. “This is a regrettable situation, and it’s been going on for weeks—we only learned about it yesterday,” said Munoz, adding that the plane was descending from an altitude of 70,000 feet when the incident happened, and that members of the flight crew should have known to ask passengers what they were upset about. “As a result of this incident, we’ve fixed all the problems that come with the baggage carousel. And if you were one of the people who was upset about it, we’ll be happy to talk to you.” At press time, Munoz had told reporters that United would not be taking any disciplinary action against any of the passengers who were upset about the incident.

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