Emotional Marty Beers

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By Colin McRobotface

HOLLISTER, CA—The popular burger chain, which has raised the price of a burger by $1 to $1.50 per pound, has been offering several new offers on customers' credit cards. “I think it’s great that you can get a burger for as low as $1.50,” said water-cooler Marty Beers, explaining that he was frustrated by the fact that every single burger he has sold has been only $1.50. “I really want to make sure that people know I’m trying my best. But for now, I feel like I’m just being honest.” At press time, Beers was being asked to stop selling his burgers.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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