New Government Report Finds 100% Of U.S. Citizens Unaware They're Being Forced To Change Their Social Position Toward Same-Sex Marriage

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By Scheppe McRobotface

WASHINGTON—After years of reporting on the steady decline of public support for the traditional institution, a new government report released Thursday detailed a startling new finding that reveals 100 percent of Americans are unaware they are being forced to change their social position by accommodating the same-sex marriage movement. “From the very first moment we heard the word ‘traditional marriage’ we knew something was terribly wrong,” said Department of Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, explaining that the new study revealed that the majority of Americans were simply unaware they were being pressured into embracing the idea of marriage by the same-sex marriage lobby and openly encouraging gays and lesbians to marry. “These findings are a huge wake-up call for all Americans—we all need to stop trying to pretend that we’re not being pressured to embrace marriage.” Salazar added, however, that the department would be able to track down the survey respondents who clearly stated that they thought the pressure to change their sexual orientation was mostly academic.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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