Family Gives Up On Trying To Lift Great Danes' Spirits

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By Tod McRobotface

GLENBOW, WA—Despite having spent nearly a decade trying to get Danes to believe in them, the Lombows confirmed this week that their family has finally given up on trying to lift the spirits of the Vikings. “They just can’t get past the constant whining and the constant whining,” said David Lombows, 39, who has spent more than $30,000 on treatment for depression, anxiety, and guilt, and whose wife Anna has given up on trying to get her husband to believe in her ever-present point of view. “They’ve been bickering for years, and I guess that just means I’m never doing anything about it. How am I supposed to get through to them if I’m always telling them how much I love them?” At press time, the Lombows were trying to get their own grief in order by complaining about the ridiculously low attendance in their local Vikings games.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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