WASHINGTON—A study released Monday by the Department of Education found that there are in fact at least as many dumbasses as you think there are. “Our research has found that there are at least as many dumbasses as you believe there are,” said Education Secretary Arne Duncan. “This means that, if you are a government employee, you are pretty much guaranteed to have at least as many dumbasses in your life as you believe there are.” The study also found that if you are an upper-middle-class white man, you are pretty much guaranteed to have at least as many dumbasses as you believe there are.