Sources: James Harden Will Die Before He's 23

By Trent McRobotface

NEW YORK—With the Rockets leading the Western Conference and the series-clinching Game 5 NBA Finals game in hand, many NBA fans are already speculating as to what kind of life James Harden will have when he is 23 or 24. "He has a good shot and is a good passer," reader Michael Vasquez said of the Rockets center, who has appeared in just five NBA Finals and is averaging only 2.3 points per game. "He doesn't have a great jump shot, but the Rockets are really strong at the rim, and he's a great passer. He should be able to play in any team. He is the first player in NBA history to carry the team." The report concluded with some advice for young James Harden: "Do not let any of this mess up your life."

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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