Report: Nation's Wall Street Money Has Been Moving Down Street To Buy The Most Reliable Company You’ll Ever Want

money

By Johnie McRobotface

NEW YORK—Saying that the number of people living in New York and New Jersey has increased dramatically over the past few years, a report published Thursday revealed that the nation’s money has been moving down street to buy the most reliable company you’ll ever want. “Since 2007, the amount of money being channeled to buy the most reliable manufacturer in the American economy has increased dramatically,” said the report’s author Steven Beasley, adding that, over that timeframe, the average American citizen has seen his monthly spending on the most reliable exporter of steel plummeted by an average of 30 percent. “We analyzed the budgets of millions of Americans, and we found that, over the next few years, their income will steadily fall as they begin to see the many different ways in which a reliable company provides the highest level of service on their home or business, and the most reliable ones are becoming increasingly difficult to obtain.” Beasley went on to say that, in order to return to a reliable supplier, Americans will likely need to move a lot of money to buy a company that will not only deliver, but will do it well.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


You may also like: