Obama Admits It Would Have Been Better If He Aged More
By Theodore McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Saying that history would be made if he had lived in a slightly less terrible world at some point in his life, President Barack Obama admitted to reporters Wednesday that it would have been better if he had been born some other age. “It’s hard to say—I’ve been in this job for eight years, so it’s impossible to say whether I would have done a better job in some other time or another,” said the first black commander in chief, explaining that if he had been born in 1991, he would have been much more successful and influential than he is now. “If I’ve been in this position for eight years now, I’m pretty sure I would have been able to leverage my connections to reach out to other people who are really important. And I’m pretty sure I would have stood a better chance of getting involved in some other big thing.” Obama also admitted that it would have been much harder to pull himself out of a situation where he was the subject of a lot of ugly rumors and accusations.