Report: Donald Trump Has Never Asked For $1,000 Back In Years

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By Lamar McRobotface

WASHINGTON—According to a report published Wednesday in The Hill, Donald Trump has never asked for $1,000 in donations in his lifetime, despite his numerous attempts to solicit it. “We analyzed the thousands of pages of Donald Trump’s financial records, and we found that he has never approached us with any notable request for financial support,” said White House communications director Hope Hicks, adding that the candidate’s policy proposals, his personal life, and his public appearances all have been in which he has asked for money to keep the lights on. “He has even offered to give us some money if we would just drop this issue of calling him out. He is a very nice guy.” Hicks went on to say that the candidate is just a very wealthy man with a lot of money on his hands.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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