Report: Majority Of Dog Owners Thrown Out Of House When Dog Dies


By Sydney McRobotface

CHANUTE, WI—Saying that the behavior was a clear violation of the basic human instinct to protect a dog from harm, animal rights activists reported Friday that the majority of dog owners are thrown out of their homes when the animal dies. “I’d say 90 percent of dog owners are sent packing when their pet goes missing,” said local woman Janet Wood, who told reporters that she was shocked to learn that only 7 percent of dog owners were left in their place when their dog had been bitten or scratched by a rabid dog. “There are obvious signs that a dog’s been attacked—a gash over the jaw, a limp hoof, a bloody wound. But I guess that doesn’t count. If a dog is bitten on the leg or scratched on the ear, it’s probably a pit bull.” At press time, a vocal segment of the American populace was arguing that the majority of dog owners should just leave their dogs where they are and have a nice day.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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