Man’s Love Of Weird Toys May Have Spent Too Much Time Around Base

By Errol McRobotface

BOSTON—Noting how it could be hard to keep track of how much time a man spends going to the store and then back to the base, sources confirmed Wednesday that local man Jason Hirsch spent way too long around his base. “Man, he spent way too much time around his base,” said neighbor Harry Schulze of the man who reportedly spends five hours a week around his house, but never spends as much time at all around the base. “This just seems like a big waste of time. If I’m out for a stroll, he’ll be in here for like an hour, but then I’ll be back at headquarters for lunch. He should maybe just stop by his base.” At press time, Hirsch had realized that if he ever wanted to go anywhere, he had to go to his base first.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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