Laid-Off Man Meets Up With Woman He’s Hated From The '80s


By Barton McRobotface

LOS ANGELES—Expressing relief that she’s finally found someone who appreciates his work, local laid-off man Robert Smith confirmed Wednesday he had met an attractive woman he had once considered the “worst thing in the entire world.” “I’ve thought about it for months, but I have to say it’s finally seemed like someone I can feel good about hating,” said Smith, adding that during his time in the film industry, he had developed a passion for the trash that provided the majority of the world’s garbage, and he had been particularly upset about being made the new “worst thing in the entire fucking universe.” “I’ve had a great time talking to her, and I can definitely see her as someone who’s likely to treat me like an idiot, but she’s so incredibly down to earth that I can’t see myself hurting anyone I care about. It’s beyond words.” Smith went on to say that he had also been thinking about meeting up with his childhood friend, who “seems like a really nice guy.”

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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