‘I Admit, I’m A Pretty Badass,’ Says National Anthemist

politics

By Leonel McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Noting that “I am the goddamn epitome of a badass,” the nation’s national anthemist reportedly told a crowd gathered in the Capitol rotunda Friday that “I am a pretty badass,” a reference to the “super-basta badass” spoken by the president and the “hot little fucker” who serves as the nation’s “most badass” national anthemist. “I’ve been a bad ass since I was a little boy, and I’m not afraid to show it,” said the “Big Badass” before gesturing to the crowd, which reportedly erupted into a standing ovation after the national anthemist’s statement. “You know, I’ve been a pretty bad ass since I was a little boy, and I’ll be damned if I have to tell you why I’m a pretty bad ass.” The nation’s national anthemist then reportedly walked over to the lectern and delivered the speech “Fuck Yeah,” to the approximately 15,000 “I Admit,” “I Am A Pretty Badass,” “I Am A Badass,” and “Me, Me, Me” “I Admit” ‘I Am A Badass,� ‘I Admit’’ ‘I’m A Badass,’ ‘I Admit’ ‘I Do’’ ‘I Do Admit.’”

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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