Congress To Hold Iffy, Yet Essential, Kavanaugh Hearing

By Cleveland McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Calling it a “critical” hearing that will likely take up the majority of Kavanaugh’s career, Congress confirmed Tuesday that it will hold iffy, yet essential, the next big Kavanaugh hearing. “We’ve got a lot of seats to fill, but we’re pretty confident that we’ll have a solid hearing out there on the Supreme Court nomination by the end of the fall,” said Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT), adding that the hearing would be a “critical” one that would determine the fate of the previous two major Kavanaugh hearings, which each came down before Kavanaugh was done with his judicial clerkship. “If we can get the hearing off the duff, we’ll have a solid hearing out there by the middle of next year. Then, if we don’t get the hearing off, we’ll have the chance to go back to the drawing board on the nomination and either get it off before a judge gets it off, or get it off before the judge gets it off. We’ve already gotten the first of these two hearings off, so we’re pretty confident we’ll have enough witnesses to go over the duff for the third one. We haven’t ruled anything out just yet, either.” Hatch added that if the confirmation process had been delayed for something, the Senate would have a “pretty solid” chance at holding the hearing on the nomination of Judge Neil Gorsuch.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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