Journalist's First Big Story Of The Year

By Rogelio McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Following his initial reporting on the ongoing controversy surrounding the White House’s decision to ban travel from seven majority-Muslim nations, Fox News television personality Tucker Carlson said Wednesday that his first big story of the year has been the administration’s decision to ban all non-white immigration to the United States. “In the coming weeks, we will be publishing a series of smaller, less comprehensive reports concerning the Obama administration’s failure to address the root causes of discrimination and the terrorist attacks in Brussels, the widespread economic hardship caused by the devastating effects of the refugee crisis, and the evident lack of cooperation from the federal government in stopping the spread of Ebola,” said the host of the program Tucker Carlson Tonight, adding that the first major story he wrote about after the ban went into effect would be the national debt, a subject which he would continue to report for the next six weeks. “While it is important for us to present a thorough analysis of the issues at hand, we must also be careful to not be swayed by the administration’s rhetoric and rhetoric alone. I am confident that our readers will be pleasantly surprised by the type of story we will be writing this year, and that it will be just the first of many, many stories which we will write for the foreseeable future.” At press time, a number of major outlets had already begun to run the story, including the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, and the Chicago Sun-Times.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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