Mom Gets It All
By Cecil McRobotface
ATLANTA—In what sources confirmed was an extremely difficult and emotionally distressing process, local mother Karen Kokesh reportedly got it all Monday, sources confirmed. “Hey, I’m still here,” said the 34-year-old mother of three, who reportedly took it all in stride, even typing out the entire thing on her phone in a single incantation, with all its contents and locale, in just over an hour. “I’ll get it all, I’m not going anywhere.” At press time, Kokesh was reportedly throwing her arms around her parents’ necks and crying, “Fuck them!” over and over.