U.S. Attorney General Offering $10 Billion Reward For Anyone With Information On Top-Level Impeachment

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By Jarvis McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that there’s “no doubt” the investigation could go a long way in helping to secure justice, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced Friday a $10 billion reward for anyone with information on the top-level impeachment process. “I am calling upon all citizens of the United States to help me find the truth regarding the behavior of the president and his inner circle and come forward with any information regarding the impeachment process that’s pertinent to this case,” said Sessions, noting that the reward would be matched according to the exact number of people who provided information regarding the process that would result in the removal of the president from office. “It is imperative that you don’t go to the wrong place, and if you’ve got information regarding what’s going on in the Oval Office that’s relevant to the process, I’m inviting you to contact me immediately.” Sessions added that the investigation was still in its early stages, and that “it could take months” before he knew for certain that the transition of the president’s position from a White House to an Oval Office position would be completed.

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