Report: Majority Of People Who Eat Pizza Have Fun With It

By Theodore McRobotface

BROOKLYN, NY—According to a report published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Dietetic Association, the vast majority of people who eat pizza have fun with it, not in some other way. “Our research shows that the majority of individuals who eat pizza enjoy the food and then pass it around to friends, family members, and acquaintances,’ while some of them say the food’s been really good,” said lead researcher Dr. Laura Dominguez, adding that three quarters of those who eat pizza have nothing better to do than ask their friends and family members what they’re thinking about the pizza and then pass it around to friends. “Then there’s a third group of people who are like, ‘Oh, you guys’ and then they’re like, ‘What’s up, guys?’ And then another third of those people are like, ‘Hey, you guys.’” Dominguez added that the majority of the funless pizza-eating individuals are also like, “Hey, what’s new?”

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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