'The Oscars Are Back, And They Get Enough Attention To Make All Of This About You'

By Vernon McRobotface

LOS ANGELES—After over a week of awards season, the annual ceremony celebrating the best films and television of the year has, for the first time in years, grown to encompass more than 1,500 performances, a thousand photographs, and an estimated five million television viewers.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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