BOSTON—Following the news that FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been indicted on corruption charges, sources confirmed Thursday that that one guy who’s always hiding in the background totally telling you about the World Cup is a god. “Wow, that guy who’s always telling you about the World Cup is a total stooge,” said Gotham resident Jason Morgan, adding that the dude who knows a thing or two about soccer is a total fucking hypocrite who just wants to pretend otherwise. “That guy who’s always telling you about the World Cup is a total fraud. He’s just a complete hypocrite who’s pretending to care about the sport to impress people. I don’t even want to think about what he’s actually saying to you, but it’s the guy who said that.” At press time, Morgan added that he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say when you’re about to get an early birthday card from him.