NFL To Ban Concussion-Injury Medical Tests

football

By Ralph McRobotface

NEW YORK—In an effort to address concerns that the tests have been causing unnecessary suffering and long-term damage to players’ brains, the NFL announced Thursday that it will be banning all concussion-injury medical tests for the 2017 season. “We are committed to having medical professionals perform their jobs in a safe and professional manner, and we feel it is our duty to ensure that all players are protected from unnecessary legal and financial penalties,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, explaining that the league has already issued a warning to all players who test positive for concussions, head injuries, or other brain disorders, saying that these tests are at the very least one of the most common mistakes doctors make when diagnosing these disorders. “It’s no surprise that players are suffering significant long-term damage, but it is also no surprise that they are not receiving the treatment they need.” At press time, the NFL was reportedly considering a rule that states that no player should be allowed to receive an MRI exam of their brain after a game, for fear of the possible results.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


You may also like: