Report: Majority Of College Students Thirsty For Sex, But Don’t Have The Intangibles To Actually Want It


By Johnnie McRobotface

PHILADELPHIA—Confirming that the majority of students surveyed had at least one negative ideal that they just wish they had, a report released Tuesday by the University of Pennsylvania found that the majority of college students are thirsty for sex and don’t have the intangibles to actually want it. “In fact, we found that over 80 percent of college students are just eager to have sex to feel some sort of satisfaction, and it’s just not the same as actually wanting to have sex,” said lead researcher Rochelle Ruiz, adding that despite their hopes for a romantic relationship, it was really unclear whether students actually even had the desire to actually have sex. “We found that most college students are just so desperate for a spark, and they’re not even sure they have the emotional intelligence to truly want it.” Ruiz went on to say that the best couples in the world would never even try to have sex.

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