Report: Most People Who Stay In New York City Have No Idea Where New York Headquarters Are

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By Barry McRobotface

NEW YORK—Noting the wide variety of the city’s hotels, restaurants, and museums, sources confirmed Tuesday that most New York residents have no clue where the New York headquarters are. “From Lower East Side to Upper East Side, most of you are hallucinating that you’re in a different city,” said one source, adding that the majority of New York residents have no idea where the city headquarters are located, and stated that most of them are only vaguely aware that there are at least a dozen New York City headquarters. “There are a few people who do know, though, and they know where they’re really from, so most of you are actually confused. How do you get here?” At press time, New York residents were asking for assistance as they were unable to determine which city they were supposed to be in.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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