New Finds Showing Up On Ancient Human Races


By Normand McRobotface

NEW YORK—Explaining that the ancient hominids were the first of their kind, archaeologists from the University of New Hampshire announced Wednesday that a new study of ancient humans has revealed that they are the first of their kind. “When we compared the fossilized remains of ancient hominids with those of modern humans and found traces of the ancients, we were suddenly struck with the most profound sense of insight about the early hominids,” said lead researcher James Croft, adding that the giant, bipedal, and highly evolved hominids found in the study are much larger than modern humans and are covered in hair, skin, and other bodily parts. “Their massive, muscle-bound, and bone-carving bodies were the first hominids to walk upright, seem to have a sense of hearing, and speak. They seem to be the first to evolve the ability to walk upright and speak.” Croft later confirmed that the ancient hominids also possessed a round face, a round mouth, a round nose, and a round nose.

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