Bar Testing Massive Chokeholds On Gay Couples
By Kurt McRobotface
BOSTON—Striking an all-time low in the city of Boston, local bar The Brass Tap is testing out a massive chokehold on gay couples, sources confirmed Friday. “We just threw out a couple of our regulars who were trying to have sex with each other for the first time—they had so many of them,” said bartender and bartender-owner Pauline Van der Merwe, adding that the bar’s employees have been having a hard time keeping track of the couples and figuring out where they are from. “Oh, well, we’ll just have to let them go in one by one.” At press time, Van der Merwe had come up with an alternative venue for the couples to stay in and have sex with each other.