Nation's Taste-Seeking Children Seduced By Great Atlanta Restaurant
By George McRobotface
EAST LANSING, MI—Saying the eatery had a gift for the taste-seeking type, SunTrust Foodservice director David Bartel confirmed Monday that the nation’s taste-seeking children, ages 6 to 17, have been completely or nearly completely seduced by the restaurant’s restaurant-grade sushi. “Our research found that more than 90 percent of the nation’s 6- to 17-year-old children have been taken in by the restaurant’s fresh, painstakingly prepared sashimi, pearl-white fish, and vegetable dishes,” Bartel wrote in a blog post, adding that the majority of the country’s children had fallen for the restaurant’s signature $35 mesquite smoked salmon appetizer, which included an arugula-infused dressing and a side of fries that tasted like a dense, slightly sweet and creamy pita bread. “Our research also found that even the youngest children were too preoccupied with the sushi bar to notice the salted caramel popcorn topping or the sizzling grilled chicken wings.” Bartel went on to say that the majority of the nation’s children had been consumed by a restaurant employee who claimed they wanted to serve them fresh-cut raw salmon or smoked salmon.