Report: Americans With Guns Still Unaware Of The Hours Of Their Lives They Could Have Done

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By Erick McRobotface

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center, citizens with guns are still unaware of the hours of their lives they could have done before they were shot. “Our data indicate that the average person without a gun is fully aware of the total amount of time they could have spent with friends, family, and coworkers before being shot,” said lead researcher Mark Cohen, noting that when asked about their lives before becoming a target, most people responded that they’d heard some of their memories, but they weren’t sure if they’d heard them from a friend or a coworker. “Perhaps most frightening for these individuals is that they were never more aware of those times than when they were killed.” Cohen added that the gun lobby is hoping that with the right political will, they can convince more Americans with guns to believe in the dangers of being shot.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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