Study: Mindy Kagan Has No Idea What The Hell This Is All About
By Carlton McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Warning that the former Supreme Court justice’s political views are just a big fat lie, a study released Thursday by the Brookings Institution found that Supreme Court Justice Neil M. Gorsuch has no idea what the hell this is all about. “These findings indicate that Gorsuch, a man whose entire worldview is based on a lie, must be totally fake—or, at the very least, he’s a complete and total shill for the political establishment,” said lead researcher Peter H. Frey, adding that the study’s findings also indicate that the Supreme Court justice’s entire opinion-making abilities are based on a number of highly dubious and deeply flawed assumptions. “It’s really going to be hard to believe someone with such a deeply held belief system is telling people what they think, but we’re also starting to surmise that the actual purpose of his entire life is to serve as a powerful and influential voice on the Supreme Court, which is why we think it’s pretty damn likely he’s lying. And that’s just completely incredible.” Frey also found that Gorsuch’s entire worldview is based on a particularly egregious and egregious lie, which he made up even though this was very clearly and indisputably true.