Report: Only One Of Five People Who Shipped $300 Worth Of Twine Can Ever Get Their Jobs


By Dutré McRobotface

CHICAGO—According to a report published Thursday, the only person who shipped $300 worth of twine to a warehouse, factory, or factory has ever gotten his or her job. “Think about it—the guy who delivered a package containing 25,000 pieces of twine, a ton of twine, and a ton of twine and a bunch of our other stuff was the only person who worked in the warehouse,” said the report’s author, Chris Holcomb, adding that while the warehouse manager might not have seen the package he was working, he certainly knew it was worth more than $300. “At that point, you couldn’t tell from here. They’re the only people who worked there.” At press time, the report’s author had been forced to wonder why someone as clueless as the guy who delivered the $300 package had even been hired.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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