Report: Most Kids Now Happy To Jump Into Flamingo For Minutes

children

By Harrison McRobotface

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, approximately 90 percent of American children are now willing to jump into a flamingo for a minute or so, without the slightest hesitation. “We were shocked to hear that most of the kids in our studies are now willing to jump into a flamingo for an hour and a half,” said lead researcher Sara Wallach, adding that most children are now willing to put in a single-digit effort before leaping into the flamingo for the entire time it takes. “At first, I thought I was getting a huge surprise from the poeple, when they started all the way out in the middle of the night. But they’re done in less than a second.” According to Wallach, most children are now willing to jump into a flamingo for just a few seconds.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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