Pope Francis Urges Generous Billionaire To Pay For Their Party’s Surplus Abortion Money

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By Donald McRobotface

VATICAN CITY—Taking an active stance toward the generous donor, Pope Francis reportedly instructed his generous billionaire benefactor Thursday to pay for their party’s surplus abortion money. “I want to make clear to this shrewdest of billionaires that I will not only take their money, but also use every cent of every penny of every one of their abortion-related holdings,” said the pontiff, stressing to the eminently self-sufficient male donor that they would be receiving much-needed relief from the Vatican’s decades-old abortion mandate and the ensuing financial burden on the Roman Catholic hierarchy, which had already paid in excess of $1 billion in abortion-related fines alone. “I am asking you to do what is right for you, and if you’re willing to contribute the entire $100 million to the party’s manifestly unconstitutional abortion policies, I will turn you loose on the world’s most ruthless abortion market, where you can bury your baby, take your own kids, and then never be heard from again.” The pope stressed that the generous benefactor could also use the money to further their illegal abortion business, as they were already the third-largest source of the party’s total abortion profits after the Obamas and the Clintons.

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