Family Wishes Dad Would Go To Hospital For Complications

family

By Weston McRobotface

CHICAGO—Expressing hope that the 54-year-old would be okay, the family of local father David Hayes expressed their hope Thursday that the father of their child would go to the hospital for complications. “We are truly heartbroken that our father, a man who is known to us and whom we love dearly, is suffering from heart disease and is therefore in danger of having a seizure,” said the family, adding that in the event that the man who brought them up from the street into this world never woke up again, they would definitely be prepared to move in with him. “It is our hope that the primary caretaker at his local hospital will just treat the condition with antibiotics and a CAT scan, possibly even a serum that will reverse the effects of his heart disease and restore function to his body. But as of right now, our only hope is that he will be hospitalized for an emergency procedure that will remove the aorta in his back.” At press time, the family had decided to ask for some time off at his funeral.

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