Nation Looking Forward To First Month Of New Year


By Troy McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Valuing the opportunity to spend time with family and friends as they prepare for the new year, millions of Americans are reportedly looking forward to the first month of 2017, sources confirmed Monday. “This is the year we get to spend some time with each other before we head off to work,” said 52-year-old Gary Fisher of Washington, D.C., explaining that he is eager to spend at least half his time with his five children and four-year-old daughter before he heads off to his job. “Oh, yeah, I love my job. It’s such a big part of my life.” At press time, sources noted that the nation’s most precious artifact, the precious rose-shaped Christmas tree that will be placed along Washington, D.C. traffic lights, was worth at least $11.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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