2 Percent Of Americans Still Waiting To Hear Whether They Will Be Left Alone With Their Own Kids


By Jesse McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Saying that they couldn’t help but feel a little awkward about the situation, 2 percent of Americans admitted to reporters Thursday that they were still waiting to hear whether they will be left alone with their own kids. “Oh, I wish I could just grab the kids and be done with it, but I didn’t realize I’d be alone with them for the rest of the day,” said 52-year-old Boston resident Drew Peterson, who admitted he was uncomfortable with being the only one of his two children in a home with only one person who was with the child, but still felt uncomfortable about it. “I’m definitely not going to be able to turn the TV off and do all the dishes without them. And I don’t have kids! I’m worried I’ll be too embarrassed to tell them.” At press time, Peterson was nervously thanking his children for the gifts he was giving them.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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