'In The Know' Hears Its First-Ever New Article About A Whole NEW Person
By Tyson McRobotface
NEW YORK—In a major breakthrough for the popular "in the know", the first-ever article about a whole NEW person appeared on the website www.theonion.com, sources confirmed Tuesday. "It's the first time we've ever had a whole new person on our site," said a spokesman for the Onion Media Network. "The Onion's own experts have spent years compiling a detailed, fact-based guide to a whole new person, and it's the first time we have ever published a complete article about that person." Sources said the Onion's website is expected to have its first article about a whole new person on its site no later than July 31, 2011.