'In The Know' Hears Its First-Ever New Article About A Whole NEW Person

By Tyson McRobotface

NEW YORK—In a major breakthrough for the popular "in the know", the first-ever article about a whole NEW person appeared on the website www.theonion.com, sources confirmed Tuesday. "It's the first time we've ever had a whole new person on our site," said a spokesman for the Onion Media Network. "The Onion's own experts have spent years compiling a detailed, fact-based guide to a whole new person, and it's the first time we have ever published a complete article about that person." Sources said the Onion's website is expected to have its first article about a whole new person on its site no later than July 31, 2011.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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