Boy, Last Little Thing That Could Have Been Done Was Done
By Andrew McRobotface
OAKLAND, CA—The last thing that could have been done with the half-dozen minutes of their lives was done, sources said Monday. "If we'd gotten to the office hours, we could have done almost anything," said David Lozano, a laborer who works in a warehouse. "We could have done the dishes, we'd have done the laundry, we'd have done that. We'd even done that one thing where we got the garbage out, of course." According to employees at the local Chevron refinery, it seems the whole thing was a total disaster.