Report: All The Better For Your Friends Who Are Into You

By Rory McRobotface

HARTFORD, CT—Saying that the experience had made them all feel truly good, a report released Wednesday confirmed that all the better for all the friends in your life who are into you. “This is exactly what I was looking for—the friend who hasn’t told you about their girlfriend, who has told you about your mom’s new boyfriend, or who has told you about your sister’s new boyfriend,” said the report’s author, Julia Linden, adding that the fact that you’re all so happy and happy for them makes it impossible for you to keep it to yourself. “I’m not the least bit jealous, but at the same time, I know that this is what makes me happy.” At press time, the report’s author was crying his eyes out while telling you that she was so lucky to be around you at all.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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