New ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Trailer Just Asks You To Take What’s Happening To You Seriously

By Kerry McRobotface

LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that it is simply not worth the effort to bother you with any further telephone contact, a new trailer for Grand Theft Auto V offered Monday to make you think twice about whether you are really worth talking to at all. “If you’re not interested in meeting with a professional, then just shut up and roll over,” reads the seven-minute-long trailer, which is accompanied by a Spotify playlist that plays a 7-minute-long hi-fidelity recording of a recent conversation about what’s happening to you right now. “If you’re still here, then maybe we can do something more than this one phone call. How about we just call you for an hour and let the two of you sit down for coffee?” At press time, the two people in the trailer had already agreed to hang up, and the film’s director had reportedly left the room so the two would not have to see each other anymore.

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