Two New Fruits Weighing On The Same Platter
By Dean McRobotface
ANNETTA, PA—According to the latest data obtained by the Platt Center for the Study of America’s Flag, a new crop of fruits weighing approximately the same volume has grown in the same location as the old one in the same yard. “Our analysis indicates that, according to the most recent crop, the American flag has gone up in the sky,” said lead researcher Alison Moore, adding that the flag’s original location was known by only a handful of people—dads and their girlfriends—and that the most recent crop had grown into a full-grown plant nearly the size of a wheat field. “Perhaps, as many as half the flags are now covered in leaves and peels. This is good news for the flag-watcher, who will now be able to see the flag in a clearer, more pleasant light.” The report also noted that, in the event of an American flag disaster, the new crop would still be entirely edible.