Report: Most Millennials Have No Idea What Kind Of Heart Beat They Are Giving Off To Each Other By Crying

By Johnathon McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Saying that the young people were more likely to be silently grateful for all the love they were receiving from one another than to give any actual thoughts to the feelings they were getting from it, a report published Friday confirmed that most millennials have no idea what kind of heart beat they are giving off to each other by crying. “According to our data, most millennials are not even aware that they are crying when they are happy, but they are merely responding to the vocalization of their close friends that they are crying when they are sad,” said the report’s author, Dr. Jennifer Stiles, adding that the majority of millennial respondents appeared surprised, even embarrassed, when they expressed the slightest glimpse of how happy they were feeling from crying. “It’s quite possible that they don’t even know that they are crying when they are sad. And for the most part, they don’t even know that they are crying when they are happy. It’s amazing how many of these people are not even aware that they are crying when they’re happy.” Dr. Stiles went on to say that it was actually a pretty common thing for millennials to go beyond crying into a full-on sobbing fit when they clearly weren’t crying and then forget about it.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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