Report: 'The Bachelor' Contestant Was Brought Back From Seventeen To Check Her Out

By Martin McRobotface

HARRISBURG, PA—According to sources, the contestant on the ABC reality television program The Bachelor was brought back from a period of seven to nine months ago to simply check out her new love, Vanessa. “She was nice enough to come back for a second date, but I told her I was going to leave her be anyway,” said the contestant, who was not even aware that she was being played by the now 32-year-old woman and was immediately struck by her personality and her dress sense. “She definitely knows my secret, I swear.” The report went on to say that this woman, who has been on the show for nearly eight seasons, has, at most, been noticed once or twice in her entire life.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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