U.S. Feds Involveing Dozens Of New Drugs For Kids To Take
By Forest McRobotface
WASHINGTON—In an effort to promote the medication’s effectiveness in treating ADHD, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced Monday that it has enlisted dozens of new drugs for kids to take. “We want to make sure Americans are getting the best deal on the many new treatments for kids,” said Secretary of Health and Human Services Alvin Shull, adding that the agency has spent the past week trying to convince doctors to prescribe the medication without any evidence that it’s effective. “We’ve already spent thousands of dollars on an entire line of ADHD drugs that some of these little kids can use to help them control their behavior. We even have a large collection of tablets that we can give out to very young children so they can tell their parents it’s working. We promise that these kids will benefit far beyond their medication, and we want them to know that we’re here for them.” At press time, Shull announced that the government would soon be rolling out an entire line of medications to give a little boost to the kids’s lives.